Just Arriving

August 2022

First sight. Breathtaking views, sprawling grass,

An explosion of color rocking my mind and my heart.

Giddy with delight. Gown-ups at summer camp.

A connection in the bath.

Dip of a toe, plunge of a soul.

I am just arriving.

 

A smile, a glance, a passing of bodies and minds.

Who are you? Who will we become? Will I grow?

Will you?

 

First night experiences- you’re telling me my brain is ridged?

47% of the time I’m not paying attention?

After 25 I turn to stone? Or was it my mind? Where do my neural pathways lead again?

So, what you’re saying is

I’m screwed.

 

My neural pathways grown taught with age and the challenges life brings.

I tell my 25-year-old self to shut up and listen, this shit is important.

I am just arriving.

 

Will you help me stretch out?

Loosen our minds like we do our muscles.

You hold one side and all hold the other

Pull!

Too hard and I’ll snap.

Oh little girl, if only you paid attention when your pathways could bend and adjust.

Too busy creating perfection.

Not enough time to live actual life

Or see it.

See yourself

Standing in front of a mirror

Longing for different.

Molding the pathways to judge, dislike, envy, worry

Then snap! 26. Pathway set.

I am just arriving.

 

Last night I saw a golden pathway cast out by the moon

Dancing on the ocean water, it called to me.

This pathway

To the unknown undulated, flexed and bent with the soft swell of the water.

I can dance… I can undulate…

Ahhhh, maybe my neural pathways and I will sit this one out.

Worried what I will think

Afraid of what you’ll say

Ridged is safe here on a bench away from… undulating.

 

Though, the water calls. The moon beckons. The glowing gold pathway entices and invites

Me to the unknown.

To joy

To plasticity.

I am just arriving.

 

We could go together

Warm up slowly in sulfuric waters

Naked together, change is possible.

Pathways soften with closed eyes and chimes that dance in our ears.

Our minds awaken to curiosity and

What is

Possible.

Neural pathways consider gentle golden ripples

Maybe my mind can move with the light

Maybe my mind can bend again.

I am just arriving.

 

With softened pathways will you try tofu with me?

Fried, baked, covered in sauce, raw, silken, firm.

Notice it in my mouth

Mindfully as a beginner.

How can bean curd be so popular they can make it in so many ways?

Thank God for bread.

Maybe tofu with help with the elastomers or neural plasticity or the neurons or telermerase…

Which one had the supplements?

Crap, this must have been a 47% of the time moment.

 

I feel my pathways shifting, stretching

I feel the love.

I feel joy.

I learn

About compassion and listening and loving

Myself.

How on earth does one do that?

I am just arriving.

 

A shift

In thinking and in heart

A connection

Deep. Raw. Heartfelt. Fulfilling.

Nourishing.

Belly laughter that turns heads and makes my cheeks hurt.

Love.

Conversation with new sisters who were strangers just hours ago.

Love.

Physical touch through what I now know is ecstatic dance.

Pure. Joy.

Passing of bodies in dark waters dotted with the light of stars.

Skin touches

Skin touches

Souls touch

Love.

Intimacy.

From the heavens God hollers

Here, we notice it in the call of a hawk, her scream echoes off the cliff wall.

Life changing connection of two pastors, one in need, one able to give.

A gentle soul, safe for me to open up about my self and who I am when I am not safe.

Call it what you need to. Fate, serendipity, chance, the power of Esalen.

We are arriving.

 

Will you join me in these delights?

These joy boosters, these pathway softeners.

I will listen for your laughter and wait for your love.

For a chance to change with you is the reason I am here.

We have arrived.

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